


I just wanna know you better (know you better now).

by anxiouspunk



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Dysfunctional Family, Family Feels, Gen, Good Sibling Allison Hargreeves, Hurt/Comfort, Not a ship fic, Sister-Sister Relationship, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Vanya Hargreeves-centric, as always, summary sucks pls ignore that, takes scenes from s1 and s2, the boys and leonard either have minimal parts or are just mentioned in passing, they both do frankly, this is about Sisters, title’s from tswift’s ‘begin again’ bc it was the only thing I could think of, why do I always feel like I have to clarify that when I write these?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25789681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiouspunk/pseuds/anxiouspunk
Summary: i. vanya is fifteen years old and just wants her sister to look at her.ii. fifteen years later, her sister tries to tell vanya she loves her and the unthinkable happens.iii. finally, twenty six years before they're suppose to be alive, vanya looks over a balcony to people that she's told are her family and can't believe she finds a sister looking back up at her.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 12
Kudos: 148





	I just wanna know you better (know you better now).

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> So I had written a view of the sister's relationship from Allison's perspective, and now Vanya's! To be honest, I'm not totally sure how I feel about this one; I got excited about the idea, then later got frustrated bc I didn't think it was working, but managed to tie it together enough to finish it - so..hope you like it!

a fifteen-year-old vanya had just wanted to catch up on some reading.

she could’ve just done it in her room, perhaps, but that was abit riskier. she was out in the open for someone to bang on her door and interrupt her, or just get distracted by the constant noise and fumbling around from her siblings going in and out of their own rooms.

no, here in her dad’s vast and extensive library was a much better option. no one ever really came in here; it was too big to bother going really far, and since it didn’t see a lot of light or upkeep, no one really _wanted_ to traverse all the dark and dust (plus, klaus had started a rumour it was haunted, and since it was _klaus,_ no one could totally disprove it).

but it didn’t bother vanya. she liked it’s antique ways and knowledge it held. with it’s many shelves you could get lost in, she’d managed to find a perfect little nook squished in between two book cases; the spot right under the stain-glass window, which is where she went often to escape. a blanket wrapped around her and book in lap, she was perfectly content in the quiet, engrossed in the pages and tale of –

‘vanya??..’

well, not anymore. her head snapped up and she quickly clicked off the flashlight she had been shining over the pages because the light from the window only helped so much. she thought if she was still enough maybe the voice would just go away and she’d be left alone. that’s how it usually was; no one looked for her for very long.

but then allison’s head popped around one of the shelves, at the end of the aisle. vanya squinted back; that was pretty much the last sibling she’d expect to be looking for her. allison did the same back.

‘what’re you doing in here?..’

‘how’d you find me?..’ vanya asked back.

‘I’ve seen you go in here before, and then..’ allison pointed up to the big, clunky silver flashlight she was trying to hold up ‘I saw the light peeking out..’

‘oh..’ vanya blushes a little, putting the device down under her blanket. allison started walking forward, eyes gazing around the shelves of books looming over them.

‘now do you wanna tell me why you’re in dad’s creepy library?..’

‘reading.’ vanya shrugged ‘..I like it in here.’

‘why? ‘cause you like cobwebs?..’ allison tentatively sat down on the creaking wood floors across from her sister, nose scrunching up at the dust she saw lingering on the books. vanya scoffed.

‘I like the quiet. if I was in my room or in the living room or something, I’d be having klaus bugging me to help him hide diego’s knives ontop of the fridge and then hear diego yell at him for it, so..’

allison snorted ‘he actually tried to put them in the tank of the toilet this time..’

vanya sighed, making allison laugh a little. but hearing it she couldn’t help a small laugh too. their brothers were ridiculous, and they often didn’t even talk about it much. allison rested her head on the back of the shelf, gazing around, up towards the glass window and the light that was sparkling through the pieces of red and blue and green.

‘it is kind of a cool spot – I’m kinda jealous that you found a good hide-a-way, especially from those doofuses..’

allison _jealous?_ of her? vanya thought she’d die before she saw the day. she watched allison more closely as her sister unknowingly looked around; suddenly, all she could think about were the times she saw allison hanging out with luther while he trained, or caught her helping teach klaus how to apply eyeliner. and while she isn’t any good at training and thinks make-up makes her look even worse then normal, she couldn’t help the pangs of jealousy.

it wasn’t abnormal; she felt it often when her siblings did group activities she was never allowed the privileges of. but it was kind of different with allison, her being the only other girl in the house (vanya doesn’t think mom counts in this regard). vanya already had five brothers, but she only had _one_ sister, and something in her craved to have that particular bond.

suddenly, she found herself saying ‘y-you could come here, you know, if you wanted..’

allison’s head swivelled back to look at her ‘yeah?..’

‘yeah..’

a pause. then allison nodded thoughtfully. she threw a small smile vanya’s way.

‘alright..’

vanya smiled quietly. that would be kind of cool; just the two of them coming to hang out here, talking about their stupid brothers. maybe allison could braid her hair or they’d exchange secrets like vanya’s seen sisters do in the books she reads.

suddenly in the pause of quiet, vanya remembered something.

‘wait, allison, why..why did you come up here?..’

‘hmm? oh!’ allison blinked back, the memory rushing back ‘right, um, mom wanted you?? said something about having restrung your violin?’

‘oh, right.’ vanya had asked for her mom’s help with that some time ago, for she still wasn’t super confident in doing it herself ‘thanks – I um, should go see her then..’

‘here, I can take that..’

allison took the flashlight from vanya’s hands as the smaller girl tried to gather up the quilt that was a little too big in her arms, smiling at vanya’s reassurance that she’s got it. they didn’t really talk on their way back down, but as allison helped carry her things, vanya felt pretty esctatic over the whole thing and what might unfold from the offer she made.

she wouldn’t so much a week later.

she hadn’t really talked to allison much about since it’d happened; about the moment shared, or how she suggested her sister come and visit. right now she had a book and was about to go up there again, but was going alone after spending forever looking around for allison. when she couldn’t find her, she just had to give up, figuring she’d gone off someone or was with dad.

that is, until she got into the library and was only two shelves away from her spot before hearing the whispered laughing. it was allison’s voice, and then..oh no.

vanya broke into a run, sliding right in front of the aisle that lead to _her_ spot – only to find allison and luther there, chatting. her heart hit right to the floor. they both swung their heads over, blinking back at her.

‘vanya..’ allison spoke, somehow looking surprised ‘what’re you –’

‘you told _luther?!’_ vanya gaped, holding out her book accusingly to him. her brother ashamedly hung his blonde head down, clearly not having been told of the sacrecy of this place.

‘well..’ allison got onto her feet, walking towards her ‘you _said_ I could come up here..’

‘yeah but I didn’t say you could _bring_ someone!’ vanya snapped, her foot coming down. allison furrowed back at her now, arms crossing over her chest like she always had a habit of doing.

‘you don’t have to throw such a hissy fit – what’s the _difference?’_

‘because it’s _my_ spot and I..I-I thought..–’

 _and I thought you’d want to spend time with me_ dies on her tongue. all too quickly she realized that’s never what allison had been thinking of when she nodded to vanya’s invitation, when she’d smiled back at her like it was going to mean anything. she was only going to use it for just another hide-a-way for her and luther’s hangouts that no one was privy to. she never cared about spending time with her, and she was never going to.

so vanya just stood there in silence, her fingers curling and throat caving in. allison squinted  at her until her head finally lolled back, and she sighed loudly. 

‘well _whatever_ vanya, you _told me_ I could come here so..’ 

vanya’s fists tightened. she tried to blink back the gloss around her eyes,  but it probably showed in the way her voice shook. 

‘yeah. whatever.’ vanya spat, already turning on her heels ‘..sometimes I can’t believe I got _you_ as a sister..’

vanya immediately started walking off, but she’ll admit, the ‘o’ over allison’s mouth felt pretty good. only for a second though, before the horrible sting of  betrayal and abandonment that was all too familiar to her sunk right in. and also, when she heard allison run back out to the hall as she left, yelling with her own shaking anger. 

‘oh yeah?! well _ditto!’_

vanya ignored that sting, swallowing down the lump in her throat. she didn’t give allison the pleasure of turning around – only marched straight out in the library, all the way through the many floors till she got to her room.

she didn’t come out for the rest of the day, not till dinner. instead she curled up in her bed and pretended that she wasn’t crying, desperately wiping away any stray tear with her sleeve. eventually she picked up her violin, deciding to put her efforts to practising instead; at least that would give her a way to think about something else.

and it did, until there was a knock on her door about two hours later and a timid voice on the other side.

‘vanya?..it, um, it’s me...’

the shock made her bow slip slightly, head whipping to the door. however, she didn’t quit playing, still wanting to keep going and not quiet ready to give allison the benefit of the doubt – and so she quickly picked up her bow again and said nothing, baiting on what he sister would do.

‘I um...I just wanted to say sorry...about earlier. I..I didn’t know the spot was so special to you, and uh..I, well, should’ve asked..before bringing luther..’ another pause ‘so, that’s um...that’s it..’

now that, vanya wasn’t expecting. she simply stood there, cramped in between her dresser and bed, bow in hand and contemplating whether or not to stop and open the door. she felt split in two; part of her was glad to hear the apology, and another hadn’t let the anger fizzle out yet, still clinging on.

because this wasn’t just one incident was it? it was always like this. no one ever wanted to hang out with her, and it wasn’t like allison was apologizing for that.

so vanya squished down her kind nature that always likes to pop up, continuing to play. shortly after that there was a harsh huff of breath.

‘are you even listening to me?!..’

vanya glowered, picking up the tempo. another groan and then she heard footsteps stomp away. there was another prick in her throat that vanya didn’t understand but she pushed that away too, focusing on her music and she’s sure, being forgotten by allison in a matter of minutes.

she still can’t believe that’s the sister she got. in a way, her father was right she thinks; she wasn’t just unlucky in that she didn’t get any powers, but unlucky in the fact her own sister never even cared about her in the first place.

-

_I’m glad you came._

_you’re still my sister, and I’m_ _concerned_ _about you._

_yay_ _sisters._

_vanya I love you! –_

vanya remembers allison’s nervous but warm arms coming around her; slinking around her thick coat, the first hug she’d gotten in a long time. she remembers the sure and protective brown eyes as she sat across her table, watching her with clear concern vanya was just too full of underlining anger to believe. she remembers the quiet but true smile over dinner, the way she happily raised her glass to vanya’s own after vanya thought maybe she could try reaching out to the hand she’d been begging to take for years. and she should’ve seen the tears rising in allison’s eyes, how her voice was wet and shaking –

_**stop saying that!** _

the blood was thick and warm. it was sticking all across vanya’s hands, smearing over her sleeves. it was running all down allison’s neck. it was _so much._

vanya’sscreaming and trying to hold onto allison like she could keep the life leaking out if she held on tight enough but it was pouring out of her sister and it wasn’t stopping. her sister. her _sister._

she killed her sister.

no. no, _no!_ that can’t be it – she-she didn’t mean to! vanya can’t believe it – couldn’t believe it because she loved allison she didn’t want her to die _she didn’t want her to die –_

someone’s grabbing her and she’s being pulled off her sister’s body and before she was watching allison lie there on the floor without getting up and then she can’t see her anymore.

it’s leonard and he’s got her in the car and he’s trying to talk to her but she can’t stop crying. she’s trying to tell him through sobs that they have to go back, _they have to go back for allison,_ but he’s saying it’s too late now and they can’t.

that they, that vanya, doesn’t need her anyways. that she did a good job. and vanya is too scared and horrified and upset to be able to think of a response, to do anything then shiver in her seat and under the arm he’s put over her shoulders she can’t feel.

and think of the hug. and think of the coffee and treats allison brought her. of the worry in her voice and in the brown eyes that watched leonard so carefully. of how she followed vanya out here to protect her and how she kept following her because she wanted to apologize and she wanted to make it better and she wanted to let vanya know she loved her.

and vanya can’t believe, for all the times she’d wished for it, she didn’t reach back. and how lucky she suddenly understands she is, to have her as a sister.

or, she realizes as new tears flood her eyes, how lucky she _was._

-

it’d been a rather busy past two days.

vanya was laying back on the somewhat questionable couch in the room belonging to a somewhat questionable conspiracy theorist, watching her brothers pace and snip at each other.

brothers. it’d been kind of crazy to imagine, all that time ago, waiting for hours on end with sissy and  harlan for the phone to wring or the door to knock, answering to those many ads. of course, she’d loved spending that time with them, and honestly, even if no one had shown up, she still wouldn’t have minded being there a little while longer. but even if she loved the both of them, it still didn’t quite compete with the fact of actually having a  _ family  _ out there. of actually belonging to somewhere. of belonging to some  _ one. _

though, it hadn’t happened in exactly the  _ way  _ vanya had dreamed it. she’d been holding out for maybe a partner, or a sibling or even just a concerned parent, showing up at the farm lamenting about how worried they’d been that they couldn’t find her and how  _ relieved  _ they were to find her. what she  _ hadn’t  _ pictured, was a guy twice the size of a truck and who could probably lift  one at that, nervously approaching her in the farmhouse with a  _ gun  _ behind his back, proclaiming to be her brother. she’d still felt that thrill of elation, of  _ finally,  _ but while he was sorry and his apology seemed very sincere to vanya, he didn’t share the same feelings it looked. 

and she didn’t know what to do with that.

but then she’d met more. a sharp, smart-mouthed fifteen-year-old also claiming the same – not only also her brother, but that she had broth _ ers. _ she has six siblings (well, five technically, but even if one had passed vanya still wants it counted). and it certainly would’ve felt like a jack-pot, if it hadn’t come with the price of the world supposedly ending.

that soured it a little. 

and the fact that this kid, five, no matter how much vanya admired his  adamancy to save them all, was still kind of a prick. him and the guy currently sitting across of her very well brandishing a  _ knife  _ at her (diego was it?). if what they said about what she did was true, well, she can’t say she blames them. but it would’ve been nice if they’d been as excited about her as she’d been about them. 

so much for a great family reunion. 

now luther and diego were squabbling again, something they seemed to do often. vanya sighed, head tipping back on the couch. five had gone off, apparently  acquiring the other two siblings. he hadn’t mentioned any names or what they looked like or anything, so vanya couldn’t help wondering just what –

the door clicked closed. suddenly there was chatter coming from downstairs; gentle bickering, a man’s voice and then..a woman’s laughter? the other two were already approaching the gate to overlook, and vanya quickly got up with them, eager curiosity making her heart pound as she peered over the side.

and there they were. five off to the side, and two other characters starring back at them. another guy in the  other side from five; skinny and kinda lanky with tousled hair and looked like he’d been hungover for two days already, but vanya also noted some things about  him. not  just the long hair, but the  jewellery, the slightly feminized  clothes – she already could tell that he was wearing it all on purpose and for a  _ certain  _ kind of appearance. she then sighed internally; at least one of them was like her.

but that wasn’t the biggest surprise. there was a woman, on the  farthest side from him. she was starring up at vanya as vanya starred back in complete awe. she already knew she had brothers, but no one had mentioned anything about a  _ sister.  _ a nice dress and with elegance and gentle grace vanya could read easily, big brown eyes watching her with maybe not  _ delight  _ but this nervous relief bordering on happy – and vanya just couldn’t help the smile that sprouted across her face. 

‘I can’t believe I have a sister..’

she raced down the stairs and then nervously stood in front of this girl – who was actually  _ beaming  _ at vanya, and if vanya wasn’t mistaken, she could almost see a gloss over those  kind brown eyes. and then she spoke,

‘ I missed you..’

and that’s it. that’s all vanya had been looking for. her smile grew, happy  nerves making her shift in her spot. 

‘ thank god someone did..’

and without thinking about it too much, she anxiously held up her arms, out towards the only person who seemed happy to have known her before she forgot who she was herself. she was immediately brought into a tight hug and despite the fact of being  _ strangers,  _ something clicked immediately to vanya – so she brought her own arms around just as tight, buried in her shoulder and taking in the trace of flowery perfume and the tinge of artificial hairspray.

vanya knew what she did in the past wasn’t good. it couldn’t be by the looks of betrayal and anger her brothers had given her, despite their attempts to appear friendly and shield her from the horror. and she was trying to come around to that frightening reality, and to the fact that she hadn’t gotten the kind of embracing a celebratory reunion she’d been dreaming of.

_ maybe I’m just not the kind of girl you miss. _

but,  she realized she hadn’t been more wrong then right now; right as she hears the faint, shaking breaths of her sister and how her hand carefully cupped the back of her head, fingers curling into her brown hair. none so  wrong, then by how clearly she'd been missed. 

vanya just smiled bigger, pressed right against the warm  body. not only did she get all these brothers, but she had this amazing sister who  clearly loved her a lot and it showed.

and she can’t believe how lucky she got.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope that was good for you! Kudos/comments feed authors, and if anyone wants to talk about my beloved tua girls, I live on tumblr (@paris-geller-was-straightwashed) and am always 100% down.


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